Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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