She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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