I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize
