i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
