Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
