I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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