im drinking this country out of the recession.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
