woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
