How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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