i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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