Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
