i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
