I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
