Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
