no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
