It was confusing and full of hummus
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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