Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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