I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
