I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
