Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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