Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
