SEEEEXXX PLEASE
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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