Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
