We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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