nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
