Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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