eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
