Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
