i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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