i think i recognize dicks better than faces
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Randomize
