OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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