So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
