At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize