Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
