O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
