take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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