Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
