Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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