Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
