The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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