this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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