I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
