woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
