Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
