If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
