"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
