dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
