we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Terrible idea I love it
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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