dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
