Christians are straight up FREAKS
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
