Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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