They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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