I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
