That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
