I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
and she was petting her beer can
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Panties = found
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
