Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
