ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
