You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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