Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
