I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
