he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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