I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
