Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
is wine microwaveable?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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