Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Randomize
