I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize