we're chasing vodka with high fives
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
