1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
