plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize